March 26, 2010

the roughfisher quiz: Are you a REAL dirtbag?

Jolly Roger

Do you have what it takes to be a dirtbag? Take the quiz and find out for yourself.

1) How many days did you spend on the water last year?
a. 1, and that was only to retrieve your ball from a water hazard.
b. 5. It would have been more if momma let you out of the house more.
c. 39, and you wrote about every outing on your blog.
d. I've been in the water so much I'm growing a goddamn set of gills.

2) Your perfect rod:
a. The classic feel of split cane.
b. I loves me some glass!
c. The newest extra-super fast Z[Be+C]/n99 Beryllium composite rod from Sage.
d. Whatever I can afford without the Missus finding out.

3) Reading material found on the coffee table:
a. Gray's Sporting Journal
b. The Onion
c. The Drake
d. Juggs, and it rests next to the throne.

4) You're favorite online fishing site:
a. Moldy Chum
b. the Trout Underground
c. Buster Wants to Fish
d. What the fuck is the interwebs?

5) Your favorite music:
a. Classic Rock; everybody knows rock attained perfection in 1974.
b. Country AND Western
c. Anything with "Jerry" in it, man.
d. Trick question, they're all good.

6) You're idea of the perfect woman is:
a. Mom
b. Lee Press-Ons and a kickin' badonkadonk butt
c. Someone who can pay the bills
d. A's, B's, DDD's, perky ones, saggy ones; it don't matter as long as her husband doesn't find out

7) How many days did you miss from work to go fishing?
a. None, Momma had you working OT so you could take time off when Junior arrives.
b. 5. And they were all approved vacation leave.
c. 9, that they know about.
d. You plead the 5th.

8) Your favorite type of porno:
a. Midgets and dwarfs
c. Lesbians
d. Anything with a little fin. And big tits.

9) Which one of the following is a good beer?
a. Coors Banquet Beer
b. Pabst Blue Ribbon
c. Hurricane High Gravity
d. Trick question, they all are rank, but you celebrate the entire collection anyway.

10) You've been on the water all day and are down to your last couple bucks. You're McStarving but could also go for chasing down a cold one. You can't afford to do both, what do you do?
a. Skip the booze, and opt for the meal; it's just empty calories anyway.
b. Beer dude. Nothing better than a liquid diet. Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
c. Sit on the street corner begging for spare change until you have enough for both.
d. Hit the gas station and blow the entire wad on a XXL red hot beef & bean burrito with extra hot sauce. Wait until she's a brewin', real fermented like, and let her rip. Wait for the clerk to pass out and grab a couple of 40 ounces for the road.

If you answered D to all of the above, congratulations! You're true brownliner material and a real fucking dirtbag. Nice going! The rest of you all have some serious work to do.