November 20, 2010

The High Five

The High Five
Not content that Hurricane High Gravity is the cheapest tastiest swill out there on the market, I took a few reader's suggestions and recently diversified with a few different brands of high gravity malt beverages. I picked up the royal sampler for some taste tasting and review, because that's the kind of service we provide.

The Lineup:
Hurricane High Gravity, Anheuser-Busch, Inc., 8.1% ABV
Steel Reserve High Gravity Lager, Steel Brewing Company, 8.1% ABV
Schlitz High Gravity V.S.L., JOS. Schlitz Brewing Co. (Pabst), 8.5% ABV
Camo Black Ice, Camo Brewing Company, 10.5% ABV
Earthquake High Gravity Lager, City Brewing Company, LLC, 12% ABV

The criterion for testing is simple. First, each product needs to be classified as a High Gravity Lager, with a minimum ABV of 8.0%. Second, the product needs to be cheaper than $2.00 per can and something that is easily concealed and transportable. Nothing wrong with 40oz. bottles, but 24 oz. cans are more portable and help minimize the burning sip of death, commonly associated with the last vile sip of piss-warm malt liquor that's been warmed from your hand holding the glass bottle. Finally, the beverage must be one that is available year round and easy to find in stores. No sense in getting your hopes up for a drink that is only available on rare occasions. This is a daily driver beer.

The current reigning champion is Hurricane High Gravity, but only because it has been previously uncontested. I am not going to go out on a limb and pick a predict winner just yet, though Earthquake gets the early lead simply for its high alcohol by volume rating. Only one with a refined palate such as myself will be able to assess and rank each entry fairly, unless you happen to be an expert critique of turpentine and mineral spirits. If so, we can form a consortium of swillers, a brain trust, if you will. I'll follow up with the rank and file of each candidate, as well as all the nefarious and putrid details of each beverage, and reveal my choice in a future post. There are no losers; All five of these drinks rang up for less than $10, with enough change left over to buy a lucky lotto ticket or a slim jim.

Now these are the kind of product reviews we can handle.

Caveat Emptor: The above mentioned beverages were purchased at full retail price by the roughfisher. There is no incentive or financial gain to be made from the review, other than a hopeful roughfisher wishing to be picked up for sponsorship by one of these beverage companies.